i love you too.

i got feelings of being left, by mimi, and leaving, leaving u guys to that darn place. left is painful, leaving is so much more. it kills to miss ppl so much, so much that u can just cry about the silliest of stuff, like listening to aizat - hanya kau yang mampu, or simply looking at your pictures, or simply thinking that u ppl are having lunch together, and other things that we used to do together. i hated being alone. i loath living without u ppl, aftr those moments we shared. true, i have not truly cherish those moments back then, not truly appreciated u guys when we were together, but alone, i felt like my heart's been shredded to pieces, burning and struggling to stay alive. metaphoric, hiperbolic, but sure you have no idea, how true it is. i was not being myself all the time. i was forced to be a whole new person to adapt to this whole new surrounding. i cried myself to sleep most nights, yeah it heals a bit after four months or so, but i still miss you like crazy and crack up any moment, any day. hugging that pillow makes me believe, i will see them again, and the hope keeps me going. a lot of ppl adore that gift u gave me, to them its beautiful, fluffy, and pink. but it means the world to me. its sumthing i can squeeze when i'm upset, punch when i'm mad, cry on when i'm sad, and laugh with whenever i tried to be happy. its like having u ppl by my side again when i'm totally wet with tear. yess i cried a lot. yes they think i'm weird. but i dont care. i love you, and if that makes me weird, i'd always love to be the weird one. psycho, even. they say time heals what reason cannot, but i can hardly believe. i cant possibly stop missing u madly. ayeng, jan, kah, nah, nah, mimi, aimi, dah, i really do love you. (: